Since I just hurtled back in time across the international dateline in a flying container of stale recycled air, I thought it would be pertinent to write about the things I took on board to stop my skin having a bitch fit. Disclaimer: I have jetlag and am writing this from a vague alternate dimension. Level of sense may be slightly less than normal.
If there’s one thing I am asked about more often than anything else, it’s how I take care of my nails. People are often incredulous when I tell them that I don’t have acrylics and just get gel manicures. I feel like they’re the equivalent of Samson’s hair; cut them off and I lose all my powers. Yesterday a random little girl actually came up to me, touched my nails and asked if I was a witch. Maybe I am. Now that I have cultivated an air of mystique and arrogance, I am going to share some of my tricks with you. Here it is: The Gel Manicure Bible.
Summer: that terrifying time of year when we all realise that the comfort eating of the colder season has rendered us woefully unfit for baring our almost-nude bodies in public. Those ‘summer bodies are made during the winter’ people are walking around smugly and the rest of us are left feeling like slightly curdled blancmange.